i was really touch by the word of God this few days,
“Jesus cried” in don’t know which book, which chapter, which verses…
Reminded me a lot of His love..
How great is His love that always fill me with His love,
Many times, i am a kind of human that always feel lack of LOVE.
I don’t know why..?
I don’t know why that i am this kind of person,
but simply God just fill me with His LOVE that i needed so much,,
Of course la, Jesus fill me with LOVE at the right time la..
And i very thanks to the Lord that He bring Mr, Martin to our church to share about God’s words..

I like him, i mean in a way..!! Don’t mistaken my word ya!
Hmm, before i saw Mr.Martin,
my brother told me that he so handsome… ‘man’ handsome
not the kind of handsome.. like seh kia handsome lorh,,
Haha
i will post up his photo when i saw it, kk?!

———————————————————————————————–

i was hit up yesterday when my sis-in-law ask me few question..!?
She ask me,,
Do you ever gossip about your ‘tutu’.
‘tutu’ is the one i cannot mentioned here.
I ask back: wad did i say about her oo?
sis-in-law: about ‘tutu’ religion??
my answer: Ya! but i never say anything lerh? i just told my cousin need to pray for ‘tutu’ nia marh?!
i got say anything that merh?
sis-in-law: then do you say her anything again..?
my answer: wad is the thing? i can’t remember la..
sis-in-law: you think carefully.
my answer: I don’t know. WHY?
sis-in-law: ‘tutu’ call me this morning, ‘tutu’ say u say ‘tutu’..(something).. and ‘tutu’ say i very dare ho!!!

i was so depress when i heard wad my sis-in-law told me,,
i was like, thinking here and there haih!? how i need to explain to her ho…!? how?!
and i was like thinking that,
i didn’t say anything bad about ‘tutu’ religion ar,,
i think and think and think,,
Then i might knew who told ‘tutu’,
i pray before i call the one who told ‘tutu’..
the one told me that she didn’t say anything ar to ‘tutu’ ar,,
while i hear her explanation i was like.. Owh owh…!
I just want to know the truth and what is happening actually nia nia..

After finish our conversation i straight away call to ‘tutu’..
At first ‘tutu’ so calm, but i was crying and crying just cannot stop my tears..
i also don’t know why..!? Haiz…
den i said sorry to ‘tutu’ as i ever said about ‘tutu’ religion but not the bad things of tutu religion,
and i told her that i didn’t mention anything bad about ‘tutu’ religion, i didn’t say anything about ‘tutu’ religion, i told ‘tutu’ that i only ever say that we need to pray for ‘tutu’ only..
But ‘tutu’ didn’t seems to hear my explanation,
‘tutu’ continue to say ‘tutu’ religion is better than MINE religion and….
In my heart, i was like, hmm… heart:broke..!?
i don’t know what to say for that second, but in my heart,
i was seeking for God’s help,

Thank God, He helped me, and i could able to stand up and praise Him, for He is Almighty Father.. who helps me a lot.. after we end up our conversation.

i never imagined that my brother will went to Kl working..
i never think of that he dispersed with us..
i never think of he can be so brave to go their alone..
Is something great that he can be brave and independence..
i was proud of him,,

i don’t know how i feel at first, even i met him with just a glance…
i didn’t really say goodbye to him, coz im still at school and i need to do my assignment also..!
i really can’t believe it…
it is good but somehow at the same time i feel sad too…

he’s been living with us since i was born, and we never separate with each other..
when i was young i like to scold him just as my sister did today..
i hate him when i was little girl.. and now when i think back it sounds of “sour”…
cause i never bother what he trying to say…
and i even scared he walking with me when we are out together with family,
i feel so embarrass on that time..
i just don’t know why my parents give birth to this kind of child..
maybe it sounds like i am so ruthless but this is all my past…
and i regret for my attitude..
i just needa to say sorry to him,,

hopefully when he is at KL, he can learned something new and learned how to survive when we are not beside him..
he have to be independent one day..
he have to learned to survive without us one day..
there is so much thing that he need to learned…

maybe a lot of you may say..
what a cruel family, why send my own brother to KL!
is because one day, every of his family will die one day..
what if we died earlier before him then how he wanted to survive..?!
will you help us to take care of him.
will you give him food to eat.
will you give him money without any reciprocate?!

NO ONE

that is why i believe..!
everyone will feel sad of him,
but he will coming back home one day..
celebrate chinese new year with us..
and everything..

when the first time he went to kl with my brother.. in the airplane

this photo is taken from my brother.. adn this picture is taken in my room.

and last picture before he attend his last class in Kuching, for now la.
my brother blog.second brother

Is blackout, thought dunno which day blackout ..!
cause I’ve not posting up,, hmm.. sorry..!!
too busy for everything,,
haiz =.=”
blackout on saturday night… dat day also whole sarawak blackout kua… if not wrong,, im not very sure too…
on that time, i was with colleague looked after the shop… then suddenly blackout…
we was like huh!?
what happen??? why suddenly no electric…
den we check our surrounding make sure is not only us…! our shop no electric…!
after checking, we calling for my mum, ask her whether she could let us go back earlier?!

then my mum said. owh, wait until 7pm or 8 pm den closed lorh… on that time is 6.30pm if not wrong…
den, we decided to hang around talk here talk ther… take photos…!? sing songs… and sort of crazy things…
what more to say is really hot that night… no wind make my sweat even more..!!!
i was freak hate of this ! no wind… is so hot…! i really curious how is our ancient are able to survive without air cone or fan.

this is the the look of my mama shop..! look so dark ho.!?
lili is inside ther. if no wrong…!!! i was try to make this picture brighter but if i do, the picture will be very blur..

take lili’s picture…!! she was notty that night…
and she quarrel with her husband then now, her mood is not very good…!
i dun think she feel very good…!!

and me!! of course i got switch on the flash… is look so clear ho..!? i was really tired that night.. haiz

lili and i…!! too boring.. ask another colleague to helped us to take photo… hehe

lee wei and lili…
they both have the same non-stop talking mouth… sometime they are so annoying.. but what to do…!!!
i still needa listen to what they say… haha

the….candle.. forgot the word…!
no others bright thing shine in that night beside candle and moon…! hmm..!
so romantic

another candle… different position… hehe

the moon…!

my colleague…i was calling them to gathered together so i can have their photo… and they are good girl…! hmm… or i have to say they really si ai bin… isn’t it?


they are no ready yet.. thought

LEE WEI kanasai…!! she ask me to helped her take a snapped on her photo..!! hmm..

Soon, my mum came to bring me… and say good bye to my mama’s staff… they really having an unforgettable night… so fun…
when i reached home.. house maid ready some food to served us.. on that night..
i didn’t went to church cause mum says maybe meeting will be canceled…
so regret i didn’t go for prayer meeting…
coz someone after hat night received hidden give.. i was so jealous on them…
i really hope i can go to church for AMEN…!!! hmm…
haiz..!=.=”
soon, my brother, my sis-in-law they reached home too.. with ice-cream… yummy…!

and this is it…! we all gathered at the kitchen there… my bro. shared about how they having fun at prayer meeting.. i was like hmm…
ok fine..! next time i will attend every meeting… hehe

ending up…! with my smile.. happy good night.

爸爸和妈妈相隔的时间很久了, 大概有四个月了吧?
我也在过程中学习了不少东西…
要走过一些伤痛还真的很不容易啊..!?
我自己走过, 是真的很难受, 很难过..!
可是那是我该经历到的事情吧?
谁知…?神知吧..
最近心理不知道怎么了..!?
很闷.
偶然会想起我爸爸..?
说真的, 很感触..
不过我还是把眼泪逼在眼框里面不让它流下来..
因为不希望妈妈看到了, 她自己也跟着难过..!?

在这段时间, 我也开始回想起..
当爸和妈离婚的时候, 我是怎样走过来的..!
是一个sensitive话题啦..
不过我觉得我还是想说, 对你们有读我的部落各的人说..
在那段其间, 我真的很难很难受..!
那时候我唯一想求想知道的是什么我自己也不知道..
总之, 孩子受的伤不比大人来的轻..!
当还是孩子的时候最渴望的不就是父母的爱吗??
这两样我原本认为我都有..!
可是到他们离婚了以后我才回想起,,
原来我有的不是父母的爱,,而是母爱
知道它的差别吗??
一个有父一个没有父…
在短短的时间我该怎样去找一个可以或愿意爱我的爸爸啊..??
我只能说没有, 因为毕竟爸爸只有一个

我大概用了两个月的时间吧…?来平静我的心情..
在这时候我什么都没有..???只是很想哭??
很想哭很想哭..
每一回去到教会一定哭..??
那时候我很想知道爸爸曾经给我怎样的好”印象”
毕竟他常常打妈妈..变成我对他没有一个真正的好印象…
只知道他是我爸爸…我也只会叫他爸爸…
有一天我很难过,我一边哭一边问神..?
我在地上的爸爸曾经给我什么好印象吗???
立刻神把我放回几年前…
有一次,我们一家人去玩水??
结果我差一点被淹死..
不过到最后没有死…当我还沉在水里的时候我哥哥把我从水里拉上来.
所以就没有死咯…
到了晚上,我回到家要睡觉了…
我还记得,那个晚上我睡不觉…因为一关眼睛就想到早上淹在水里的画面..
爸爸这时候从客厅外面走进来..
他问我怎么了?? 我说我睡不觉..
他问是不是因为早上的事情..
我说对阿,我一关眼睛就想到那时候的情景…
然后他说..”哦,那你跟我们一起祷告..我唸一句你跟着我唸”
祷告完了..我真的睡到很沉..甚至到今天都没有再做过这样的梦,或是对水有恐惧感..
什么都没有..!!
这是唯一他留给我最好最美的回忆…
是神给我看到的东西…
我很感恩..因为神让我看到我地上的爸爸有留给我一个很棒的回忆…

我妈妈昨天晚上跟我说她对神很埋怨..
那时候我妈妈一边说一边哭..
当她说到这句话的时候, 我也跟着哭了…
我心里喊着说,
难道我不埋怨吗???
我向神埋怨为什么我会生在这个破碎的家庭里..?
我埋怨为什么我会活在这里,
我埋怨为什么神要把我从天堂带到地上,
又把我从地上带回天堂..
我很埋怨,
为什么,为什么,为什么????
我在天堂不是好好的吗??
为什么要这样…
我今天在地上受到不一样的事情..
好的坏的都有..可是为什么..?
为什么是我…!
有好几次我问我的神,
可是祂没有回答我..!
祂只是在一旁听..
可是却没有回答我…!

这时候我能怎样说呢??
我能怎样做??

我什么都不能做..
我只能承认和感恩…
谢谢神把我放在这个家庭里..!?
我很开心.. 虽然我不懂为什么我该开心…
但神的恩典够我们用..
就单单纯纯的相信…
一切都会雨过天晴的

AMEN???